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Will You Be YOUR Valentine? -- Practicing Self-Care
by Kathy Paauw
This Valentine's Day marks the 20th anniversary of my
father's death. When people ask how he died at such an early
age (he was 47), I usually say that he died of a broken
heart. I attribute much of my father's heart disease to the
high stress he was under, as well an unwillingness to honor
his own needs for self-care. It's ironic that he died of a
heart attack on the day that we Americans plaster hearts all
over everything as a way to recognize those we love.
In Cheryl Richardson's book, Take Time for Your Life, she
suggests that we practice "extreme self-care." Many of us
have been raised to believe that this is a selfish act.
Quite the contrary! It's important to remember that when we
put the needs of our work or of others before our own
personal needs, we put ourselves at risk. And when we
neglect our health, well-being, and our relationships, we
become less available to assist others and less effective
professionally.
Do you recall the instructions given on an airplane before
takeoff? "In the unlikely event that the cabin were to
depressurize, please put on your own oxygen mask before
assisting others." Why? Because if you don't take care of
yourself first, you may not be available to assist others.
My father's untimely death brought this lesson home to me!
I often hear clients say things like, "I'll take some time
off after I finish these projects." But if completing
everything on the "to-do" list becomes a prerequisite to
relaxing or practicing some self-care... well, that day will
never come! Besides, have you ever known anyone on their
deathbed to say, "I wish I had spent more time at the
office!"?
Stop the Insanity and Reclaim Your Life!
The first step in reclaiming your life is to make proactive
choices, rather than being reactive to your external
environment and allowing the events in your life to dictate
your priorities. Being proactive requires you to be
conscious and intentional. A body that's used to running on
high levels of adrenaline is like a car engine that has the
idle set too high. It will take time to retrain your mind
and body to slow down in order to make choices that will
help you practice better self-care.
Instead of impulsively responding to a request of your time
or automatically launching in to work on an unfinished task,
learn to stop and ask yourself what's most important. Do you
really need to take that phone call right now? Will the
world come to an end if you wait until tomorrow to check
your email? How about if you turn your pager and cell phone
off? Is it critical to clean the house before you go out for
the evening?
Are You Running on Adrenaline?
For most Americans, adrenaline has become the drug of
choice. Adrenaline is what keeps us going at breakneck
speed. When we use adrenaline as our main source of energy,
our body's adrenal system -- the system which produces the
"fight or flight" response that is supposed to prepare us
for battle -- never has a chance to rest.
If you can relate to some of these common behaviors and
symptoms, you may very well be using adrenaline as a main
source of fuel:
- You finally have time to relax. You feel so anxious about
unfinished business that, instead of relaxing, you end up
doing something on your "to do" list.
- You feel exhausted but you cannot fall asleep because you
have so many thoughts racing through your head. Or, you fall
asleep but awaken during the night thinking about all the
unfinished business that needs your attention.
- During the workday you find difficulty concentrating on
one project because you feel so distracted by a multitude of
other projects or tasks you need to do.
- You check voicemail or email multiple times a day and feel
a rush of anxiety each time you do so. (That's your
adrenaline saying "Get ready for battle!").
- You typically skip lunch and stay late at the office to
try to catch up. No matter how much you do this, you just
can't seem to get ahead.
Recharge Your Battery
As technology increases and the pace of life speeds out of
control, our adrenal system responds to what our bodies
perceive as "danger" by staying in a constant state of
readiness. Over time, our bodies get used to staying in this
hyper-vigilant state of "fight or flight," making it
physiologically difficult for us to slow down. Eventually we
work ourselves to exhaustion.
One of the problems with overextending ourselves is that we
grow accustomed to getting our energy from adrenaline
rushes. So how do we begin to recharge our battery from a
healthier source of energy when we get stuck in this chronic
state of running on adrenaline? Here are some suggestions to
help reduce your reliance on adrenaline so you can take
better care of your spirit, mind, and body. Choose one or
two of these ideas at a time and practice them for 21
days... the amount of time it takes to form a new habit:
- Schedule some time to relax. You may find it stressful to
keep these relaxation "appointments" with yourself at first.
Start small -- let's say 15 minutes at a time -- and build
it up to larger stretches of time for relaxation.
- The next time you are asked to take on a new project,
sleep on it and give them your answer tomorrow. This is a
simple way to keep someone else's urgency from becoming your
next crisis, while giving yourself the time and space to
sort out how the request fits with your other priorities. Be
more selective as to when you say yes. "No!" is a complete
sentence.
- Delegate whenever possible. Hire an assistant, request
support from your boss, or decide to let go of certain
aspects of your work.
- Turn your pager and cell phone off after work hours. If
you are "on call" 24 hours a day, it's time to renegotiate
expectations! The world will not fall apart if you take time
off.
- Do some deep breathing. When we're running on adrenaline
we have a tendency to do shallow breathing. Practice deep
breathing while driving or at specific periods throughout
the day. Consistent and frequent deep breathing will improve
the health of your nervous system.
- Eat regularly -- three meals a day plus healthy snacks --
and make choices that offer a proper balance of nutrients
and food groups.
- Wean yourself from caffeine. Although a morning cup of
coffee or midday soda may give you a jolt of energy, it
wears down your adrenal system over time and actually
depletes your body of energy. Caffeine can also make you
feel jittery or nervous.
- Exercise regularly. A brisk walk is one of the best ways
you can reduce stress and restore health to your adrenal
system. Walk to work, take the stairs, or use part of your
lunch break to get your body moving.
- Instead of checking your email multiple times throughout
the day, schedule two or three specific times for this. Then
let others know that you do not live online so they can
adjust their expectations if they're used to an immediate
response from you.
- Have a set time for returning phone calls instead of being
available all day to take each call as it comes in. (That's
what voice mail is for!) Again, let others know when you'll
be returning calls so they can adjust their expectations.
- Clear your desk and work on one thing at a time. Organize
your time and space to focus on your priorities. Visit
http://www.orgcoach.net/improve_organize.html to review "Six
Ways to Improve Your Office Organizing Skills."
What's the Bottom Line?
When faced with a stressful situation, put things into
perspective by practicing something called "bottom-lining."
A powerful aspect of bottom-lining is that it bypasses the
comments of your gremlins. (Gremlins -- a term taken from
Richard Carson's book, Taming Your Gremlin: A Guide to
Enjoying Yourself -- are those inner voices which conspire
to keep you from being happy.) Our gremlins would have us
believe that nothing we do or say is good enough. When we go
right to the bottom line, there's simply not space for our
gremlins to take center stage with an insistence that we
"should," "gotta," or "have to" do something.
The Gremlin
Here's a bottom-line question to ask yourself as soon as you
start feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or burdened by an
unexpected request: What's really at stake here?
Unless someone will die because of your inability to
complete something right this moment, simply walk away, take
a deep breath, and sort out your priorities. After all, the
quality of your life is far more important than any task or
responsibility you have agreed to take on. And not all tasks
are imposed by someone else. Be aware of those self-imposed
deadlines that you've created for yourself!
Is Organization and Time Management Part of the Problem?
So many people seem unhappy in their professional lives.
Very few connect that dissatisfaction to being disorganized,
which can make a good job seem unbearable. The good news is
that it's easy to correct. Some of my executive clients are
effective decision-makers on a higher level, but they have
difficulty managing the hundreds of micro-decisions they
must make daily, often in the form of paper -- memos and
letters to read, phone messages to return, mail to sort,
reports and proposals to review, and to-do lists a mile
long.
"It's not the tigers that eat us alive... it's the gnats!"
Do you put "getting organized" on the back burner because of
more pressing things which need your attention? Until you
consistently pay attention to non-urgent but important
tasks -- tasks such as getting organized, weekly planning,
self-care, and other preventive kinds of activities -- the
urgent tasks will continue to multiply, often to a critical
state.
You may put off getting organized because you don't have the
time. Or perhaps you'd like to hire a professional
organizer, but you don't want to part with the money.
Unfortunately, you may already be spending that money now in
less tangible ways.
To calculate the costs of disorganization, for the next
month keep a log of the costs of doing "business as usual."
Once you have kept this log for a month, multiply the total
by 12, and you'll have an annual estimate of what
disorganization costs you or the company for which you work.
Kathy Paauw, President of Paauwerfully Organized,
specializes in helping busy executives, professionals, and
entrepreneurs declutter their schedules, spaces and minds.
She is a certified business/personal coach and professional
organizer. Contact her at mailto:orgcoach@... or visit
her website at http://www.orgcoach.net and learn how you can
Find ANYTHING in 5 Seconds - Guaranteed! |
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