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What I Learned From a Woman's Magazine
David Leonhardt
It's amazing what you can learn about marketing if you can just
find the time to spend in a dentist's waiting room. I was reading
a certain woman's magazine, which will remain nameless because of
my allergy to lawsuits. The magazine obviously has figured out
what sells well, given that it operates on a consistent formula.
For instance, one cover proclaims: "3 sizes slimmer by Memorial
Day". Then, in one corner is a picture of "Cookies 'n Cream
Cake", while in another corner is a picture of "'Lollipups' to
brighten someone's day".
On another cover, the main headline is: "Lose that BELLY FAT!",
while a secondary headline asks, "Can't stop binging?" Just to
make sure that readers can answer, "Yes", there is a nice picture
in the corner of a "Banana Split Cookie Cake" labeled "Yum!", and
the promise of "Family-pleasing Pasta dinners" inside.
See a pattern? Let's try one more. The big headline reads: "Lose
28 lbs by Thanksgiving". How? Perhaps the big picture of a
"Oreo Cookie Cheesecake" labeled "Yum!" will give us a hint. Or
the promise of "Best-ever Potluck recipes".
OK. By now I am sure you see the pattern. That's right - poor
grammar, punctuation and capitalization.
The other pattern is, of course, the secret success formula:
1. Offer you a way to lose weight
2. Tempt you to put the weight right back on
3. Offer you another way to lose weight
I pointed this out to my dentist, hoping he might decide to
increase the quality of reading material in his waiting room.
The next week, I returned to find that my observation had
obviously made an impression on him. There was all new reading
material: Yummy Deserts Magazine, Best Cakes Review, and The
Sugar Mountain Weekly.
I noticed the décor had changed, too. Gone were the bare beige
walls. Up were larger-than-life posters of cookies, cakes and
ice cream. And strategically placed around the room were candy
dishes.
"What's with all the changes?" I asked.
"It's all your idea," he said. "You are a marketing genius. If
I can get people to start working on their next cavities as they
are walking out from my office, I can increase my business by up
to 17%."
As he began to work in my mouth, I noticed a TV screen above.
"Datz nuu," I said.
"Oh yes," he answered, flicking a button. "See? I have it set
at the All-Sugar Channel."
The dentist finished excavating and reassembled what was left of
my mouth.
"Here you go," He said proudly, handing me a lollipop.
"Didn't you used to hand out toothbrushes?" I asked.
"Shh. Don't remind anybody of that. Toothbrushes are bad for
business," he explained.
I just could not believe what I had seen. I headed over to the
body shop to see how my car was doing. A few repairs were
needed, thanks to some bozo on a cell phone who thought that a
red light means "stop when you hit another car".
"How's my car doing, Jack?" I asked.
"It's OK. You didn't get hit too hard," he replied.
"Good thing he was only talking on a cell phone and not watching
a game show on TV when he hit me," I remarked. "Hey did you see
what's going on at the dentist?"
"Yeah, what's he doing with all those cookie posters in his
waiting room?" Jack asked.
I explained how the woman's magazine was building its customer
base by tempting dieters with cakes labeled "yum!"
"It's the dentist's new business development program," I said.
I was about to pay for the repair work when Jack held out a cell
phone and a mini-TV set. "If you take the cell phone, I give you
a five percent discount. Take the TV set and you get a ten
percent discount."
"What are you, doing?" I demanded.
"Hey," replied Jack. "It's my new business development program."
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
David Leonhardt is author of Climb Your Stairway to Heaven
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/bookSearch/isbnInquiry.asp?ISBN=059517826X
Read more humor articles:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/humor-articles.html
Visit his liquid vitamins store:
http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net
Or his happiness website:
http://www.thehappyguy.com
David Leonhardt
The Happy Guy
Info@...
http://www.thehappyguy.com/l/daily-motivation-inspiration.php
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