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Toward Compassion: Understanding the Pressures on Your Husband
Susie Cortright
We hear a lot about the Supermom Syndrome but rarely
about our Superdads.
We place higher expectations on fathers in today's society
than ever before. Unlike previous generations, dads today are
expected to take a proactive role in caring for the children
physically as well as financially.
Gone are the days when a man arrives home from work, loosens
his tie, slips off his shoes, and reclines in the Lazyboy with
his newspaper, which he thumbs through as he waits for his
dinner to be served.
Today, many dads don't get that decompression time after a
day at work. Some of the dads pick up their children from
daycare on their way home. Others are immediately struck
with the hassles of the day while they struggle to make the
instant transition from professional to father.
As a stay-at-home mom, I used to wonder why my husband would sit
in the car for a few moments after he pulled into the driveway.
Until, that is, one day when my husband watched our one-year-old
and it was my turn to come home exhausted from a busy and
hectic day. How I wished I had stayed in the car just long
enough to take a few deep breaths.
Today's dads, much like many of today's moms, must juggle
the guilt of not spending enough time with the family with
the guilt of not giving it their all at work.
But women seem to have more support with their struggle.
Magazine articles, support groups, and websites warn moms
of the risks of burning out and the importance of taking care
of themselves. They dole out advice on balancing life and
relationships. Fathers don't often band together like moms do.
Even while men are expected to independently take on a more
nurturing role, they are slammed in the media. We watch
television shows that too often portray fathers as bumbling
idiots, scared stiff of changing their own baby's diaper and
incapable of anything other than watching a ball game and
slugging beer. We sit through news reports of deadbeat dads
and women who have beaten the odds despite, not with the
help of, the men in their lives.
As natural nurturers, women have long taken on the social
stereotype of being the dominant parent. Sometimes--and I
hate to admit that I'm guilty of this, too--we may
subconsciously sabotage their parenting efforts to make
ourselves feel more important.
It's important for us to recognize that dads interact with
children differently than we do. These techniques are
neither better nor worse. Just different. Dads may tend
to allow the child to reach a higher level of frustration
than a mother would, which may be an important lesson in
resilience.
The father serves an integral role in a child's life.
Spending time with both parents helps children develop an
understanding of separation, transition, autonomy, and
gender roles.
Here's to all of the great dads out there, and all of the men
who strive to be great dads. Here's to my husband, who
would make a better stay-at-home parent than I. He is more
patient and more experienced with children. He rarely gets
bored, even on the afternoon's eighth reading of Green Eggs
and Ham. In his downtime, he does a load of laundry and
whips up a heaping platter of Beef Stroganoff when all I
see in the fridge is pickles and ketchup.
I'm going downstairs to interrupt Dr. Seuss and to tell
him how much I appreciate the work he does. Maybe it's
time we all spent just a few minutes thinking about the
pressures our husbands, and to applaud them for all the
things they do.
Copyright 2001, Susie Michelle Cortright
Susie Michelle Cortright is the founder and publisher of
Momscape, a website devoted to nurturing the nurturers through
empowering articles, inspiring essays, and daily pampering
tips, as well as freebies, contests, and giveaways just for
parents. Visit her at http://www.momscape.com and get inspired
to be the best mom you can be.
mailto:momscape-subscribe@yahoogroups.com |
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