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Making Sure your New Year's Resolution Sticks!
Bernie Day
Why is it that some people can just decide to change and then do it? And
yet others like "us" seem stuck to keep repeating the same old things over
and over again? Reason: They just have a logical mind that has calculated
the pros and cons and made a decision. The rest of the population is swayed
by emotion and therefore, cannot decide, being torn between the pleasure of
"doing the deed" and the consequences of it. Therefore, this article is for
those who struggle - the emotional responders, not the logical initiators.
Once you have realized why you struggle - the rest is easy, believe it or
not. You will need to do basically two things: 1) remove the emotional
struggle and 2) make up your mind: decide!
To remove the emotional struggle is the most difficult, so we'll tackle that
last. It is also best to have a roadmap of where you are going before you
tackle it anyway - so looking at the pros and cons just like the "logical"
type, is the first thing to do. Get out a piece of paper and write down the
following:
1. What is the habit or behavior that you want to quit? Write this down on
top.
2. What pleasure or pay-off do you get from doing it? Write down (on the
left side of the paper labeled pros) everything that comes to mind. Rank
them, putting the strongest reason first.
3. What are the consequences of doing what it is that you do, that you want
to quit? Again, write down everything that comes to mind. Rank them,
putting the strongest reason first, on the right side of the paper, labeled
cons.
You may need to rewrite your list after you've worked on it, to have a nice
neat working "document." Then weigh them up - ranking your list with
points. Your strongest one should probably be a "10" which is the highest
or strongest reason, and "1" being the lowest. Do each side separately, not
paying attention how you will rate the other side. After you have assigned
points to each item, add up each side separately and see which side has more
points. If the pay-off, or pleasure side has more points, you will not be
able to change your habit because there is a bigger pay-off for doing it
than not. But most people even attempting this process will be at the point
where their pay-off to quit is greater than the pay-off to continue. So,
chances are, you have found that your reasons for quitting outweigh your
reasons for continuing.
Now that you have your roadmap, let us examine the emotional struggle that
you go through. It doesn't matter if it's related to over-eating, or
drinking too much, or smoking, or other habits about yourself that you don't
like. This process will work for any of them.
We'll use a simple example to demonstrate this process - such as the habit
of being grumpy. It is a behavior that isn't that beneficial to a person or
others, but is the result of some payoff to the person that is behaving
grumpy. Is it to get people to leave them alone? If it is, then it's an
OLD behavior pattern most probably from the teenage years when parents were
in their face and being grumpy kept them off his/her back. The document
would look like:
I want to stop being grumpy (habit).
Pros
Keeps people from bugging me (10 pts)
Total pts: 10
Cons
People ignore me (10 pts)
I'm lonely (8 pts)
I worry that people don't like me (6 pts)
Total pts: 23
It's interesting that after you write down the reasons, you get a pretty
clear picture WHY you might be doing a behavior. In the above example, not
only is it clear that the person uses grumpiness to push people away, but
also feels they have to do it because they have a perception that people ARE
OUT TO "bug" him/her. We are now ready for the next step in the process -
addressing the emotional struggle, as mentioned above as being the most
challenging.
The reason it is the most challenging is because some previous event
occurred that caused your unconscious to "decide" a response to similar
events in the future, to basically protect you. These "programmed-in"
responses take away your choice, leaving you at the mercy of its decisions.
This is why it's so hard to change these "bad" habits that you want to, but
feel that you just can't. Programming to survive is powerful. It also
become MORE powerful every time it is reinforced.
Getting back to our example of changing the habit of being grumpy - we would
then tackle WHY he/she chooses it. The reason appears to be that it is a
tool (being grumpy) to keep people away without having to communicate their
feelings about how people bug them. It's a way to avoid confronting people.
Therefore, the resolution for this one is to make a new decision about
people to not only believe that he/she can effectively communicate the
boundaries they would like (unlike their past experience when their parents
trampled on theirs) but also to let go of the believe that people are out to
get them.
The beliefs, "people are out to get me," and "people don't listen to me,"
and "people trample on my boundaries," would definitely be beliefs that have
this person stuck being grumpy. The only way to change the behavior then is
to change the beliefs. One process this author has known to work is
application of the "Re-Imaging Technique," which applies affirmations while
in a relaxed state to make permanent changes in the unconscious mind.
Following here is a quick description, followed by the steps to apply when
creating affirmations.
The Re-Imaging Technique
The Re-Imaging Technique is a stress-reduction technique I have developed
and used successfully over the past 18 years. When combined with
affirmations, it makes it possible to change deep-rooted unconscious beliefs
that were established out of experience, for personal protection (survival).
Apply it as follows:
1. Find a comfortable place to sit. Remove watch and uncross feet and legs.
2. Place the tips of the thumbs and ring fingers together to form two
circles, one for each hand. This creates an electrical grounding.
3. Place the pads of the index and middle fingers on the forehead 1 or 2
inches above the eyes, where the head protrudes at the frontal eminences.
Usually stress, the "fight or flight" response causes blood to concentrate
in the back brain. Gently touching the frontal eminences brings blood back
to the front part of the brain where reasoning takes place. Once blood is
restored to the front brain, people can consciously choose their response
rather than reacting from past programming.
4. Rotate eyes while holding the frontal eminences, keeping the thumbs and
ring fingers together and saying the statements. Do it by making a complete
rotation with the eyes going first in one direction and then in the other.
The eye rotations access memories related to the affirmations allowing
complete change.
5. Complete one statement during the eye rotation one direction with the
hands held as described in step 2 and 3. Then say the same statement again
while rotating the eyes the opposite direction, hands still held as
described.
6. For the most positive results, use the complete Re-imaging Technique as
described in steps 2 through 5 three times a day for at least three weeks.
It only takes three weeks for the unconscious to learn something new.
When applying this technique it is also very important to create the
appropriate affirmations that will root out the OLD belief and instill its
NEW positive replacement. Read below to learn how to create affirmations
appropriately for this process.
Affirmations
Affirmations are a way to make change. Most people however, utilize
affirmations only occasionally or say them in such a manner as to only bring
to consciousness the desired behavior. Applying affirmations in this way
does not make permanent change because it does not reach the unconscious
level where our programming is. Therefore, we must have a way to get
affirmations in deeply into the unconscious. To do so, several things must
occur. The guard to the unconscious must be dropped and the affirmations
must be experienced. How does someone do this? By using relaxation
techniques to drop the guard and craft the affirmation in such a way as to
be able to be drawn into the unconscious through the senses. Because of
these needs, affirmations have been adapted using the word "feel," which
denotes experience. Also, the Re-Imaging Technique produces relaxation so
the guard is dropped. Additionally, a de-programming statement is used
first to remove the old belief before attempting to insert what is desired.
This must be done in order to make change as the older belief will be
resistant to change as it has served a person in the past and is anchored
within the unconscious for survival.
To make permanent changes in behavior then, de-program the negative
perception and replace it with a positive perception, use "feel" in the
affirmations, and apply the Re-Imaging Technique in combination with your
affirmations. To be most effective, the perceptions or statements will come
about because of these steps:
1. Write down the negative pattern you want to change or de-program.
2. Create a statement reversing the negative pattern or belief, the
re-programming statement - what YOU WANT to believe instead.
3. Add "In no longer feel" to the beginning of the statement created in step
1 (above).
4. Add "I feel" to the positive statement created in step 2. Statements
preceded by "I feel" or "I no longer feel" denote experience, which is how
the subconscious learns. This creates permanent change.
5. Repeat these statements aloud using the Re-imaging Technique described
before. Do this three times a day (morning, noon and night) and after the
first week you will feel a general acceptance of the belief and by the third
week you will own it!
6. For the DEEPEST clearing you are best served by asking WHY.
To apply now the process of changing the unconscious belief, and overcoming
the emotional struggle to continue behaviors we want to quit, we will now
create the statements for the person that wants to stop being grumpy.
Habit change:
"I no longer feel grumpy."
"I feel enthusiastic."
The reasons explored earlier in this article were that this person was
grumpy to keep people from bugging him/her. So, additional statements would
be applied, drawn from the pros and cons.
"I no longer feel that people bug me."
"I feel that people support me."
"I no longer feel that people are out to get me."
"I feel that people are out to help me."
"I no longer feel that people don't respect my boundaries."
"I feel that people respect my boundaries."
"I no longer feel that people don't listen to me."
"I feel that people listen to me, and hear what I have to say."
You'll notice that the above statements apply to the "pros" side by asking
WHY this person FEELS bugged by people. Next, it would be appropriate to
create statements to change the cons side of the document. They would, in
this example be:
"I no longer feel people ignore me."
"I feel that people pay attention to me."
"I no longer feel lonely."
"I feel that I have many friends."
"I no longer feel afraid that people don't like me."
"I feel that people really like me."
If you were to apply all of the statements above when attempting to change
the behavior of being grumpy, you would be absolutely amazed how fast you
will change this behavior. People will even look at you and say, "what
happened to you?" like you changed your hair or something major. So, be
prepared to have a total shift in your life.
When applying this process to not over-eating, not smoking, excessive
drinking, or anything else, you will do the very same process. Write down
the pros and cons and then create and apply affirmations to change WHY you
do what you do, that you don't like.
This process might seem tedious, and will take work, but what do you have to
lose? Not much else works if you are not a logical type who can just
decide. So, join thousands and get relief from being at the mercy of your
programming. Take charge, and change your unconscious mind! You now have
all the tools you need!
(Adapted from the "Empathology Training Manual" by Bernie Day - available at
Empathology, Inc., http://empathology.com This book and other writing can
be viewed at http://empathology.com where you can also download FREE
articles and a FREE eBook.) Class schedules are also posted for those
interested in a caregiver career. Email: bernieday@... |
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