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Chronic Illness: Helping Friends and Family to Understand
Julie Renee
Trying to explain a chronic illness to friends and family
can result in glazed eyes and that familiar distracted look.
With acquaintances it is usually best to keep the
explanation short and to the point. After all, it really
doesn't matter much whether they really understand. When
family and friends don't understand what you are living
with, their reactions can take a toll on your self-esteem
and add more stress to your life.
After 14 years of trying to explain my health problems
(polycystic ovarian syndrome and hypothyroidism) to my
family and friends, I know that some of them still think I
am lazy, a hypochondriac, a drama queen, or simply nuts. I
am keenly aware that what I eat, how much sleep I get,
whether I exercise, and a myriad of other decisions
influence how I will feel today and how my body will
function tomorrow. I can't count on having a certain amount
of energy or plan how I will feel at any given time in the
future. For healthy people who don't need to think about
these things it can look like a self-centered obsession.
Loved ones and friends may feel you are lazy when you are
suffering from fatigue. They may be angry when your
lifestyle changes interfere with their needs. They may feel
that you focus too much on your illness. They may want to
understand-but they have no frame of reference. To explain
snow to a desert dweller is nearly impossible unless you can
show them the frost in your freezer.
The following ideas will help you to explain chronic
illnesses:
* Understand that these concepts are probably new to this
person. Remain calm and avoid acting defensive.
* You may find it helpful to have your family read the
"Spoon Theory" at
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/spoons.htm. It is an
excellent explanation of how an illness limits your
resources. Healthy people do not have to make choices about
how to spend their energy. They have more freedom to make
personal and financial decisions.
* You may need to explain both large and small concepts. Try
to keep the explanations simple. Having a chronic illness
has likely forced you to learn more about your body than
most people understand. Use simple language instead of
medical terms. Try to compare symptoms to things everyone is
familiar with, for instance, the fatigue that comes with the
flu, nausea that comes with motion sickness, etc. Let them
know it is ok to ask questions.
* Explain that you don't show your worst symptoms to the
world, when they see you it is usually when you are feeling
well enough to go out, not when you are feeling lousy and
need to stay home. You may not seem to be sick because
usually see you when you are feeling well.
* Clarify that your illness takes an emotional and financial
toll as well as a physical toll. Explain that it takes time
from your schedule to deal with symptoms, medical
appointments, lifestyle adjustments, etc. Let them know that
support makes it easier to deal with the symptoms, but that
there may still be times when you are depressed.
* Let them know that you have good days and bad days. Help
them to understand that sometimes planning ahead is
difficult.
* Make it clear that your illness does not define you, even
when it influences the choices you make.
* If after doing your very best to explain your illness to
your friends and family they still aren't supportive, accept
that not everyone can understand what you're going through.
Be patient.
* Finally, if you can not find the support you need within
your circle of friends, join a support group or find other
forms of support such as a life coach who specializes in
coaching those with chronic illnesses. Social support is
important in helping you manage your illness and in
maintaining your emotional health.
Julie Renee Callaway is a life coach specializing in helping
professional women reach their dreams and cope with chronic
illness, infertility, and polycystic ovarian syndrome
(PCOS). You can learn more at www.composeyourlife.com or
www.pcoscoach.com.
Julie Renee Callaway
Author, Alternative PCOS Solutions
www.pcoscoach.com 801-231-5024
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Inside Health & Medicine |
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Hormones - Creating Harmony |
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Here are some ways on restoring the hormonal balance. Many of our physical problems may have their origin in the imbalanced functioning of the endocrine system. The symptoms of such hormonal disorders may take the form of headaches, allergies, insomnia, cysts, cancer, osteoporosis, inflammation of the joints and muscles, rheumatism, arthritis, menstrual irregularities, emotional imbalance, mental disorders, lack of energy and an excessive tendency to gain or lose weight.
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