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LET IT BEGIN WITH US
An essay on strength, comfort, and healing
Susie Michelle Cortright
Last week, I found grace. It was right there, alongside homemade
brownies and a box of Legos.
September 11th spawned some overwhelming feelings. I was so
distracted by them that, for two days, I forgot to buy dog food.
The first night, we got creative and concocted some high-protein
solution of Grape Nut Flakes and eggs, but we weren't so sure
Clyde's tummy could handle that two nights in a row, so,
Thursday evening, we loaded into the car for a family trip to
the feed store. On the way, we passed a hand-written sign
announcing a candlelight service at the town hall.
From out of nowhere, the tears came. "I need something,"
I told my husband, "I don't know what it is, but I need
something." We pulled in. And it was there that I found it.
Friends and neighbors I didn't yet know offering hope, peace,
trust, and love with a side of Linda Maxwell's gooey brownies.
That was when I realized how exhausted I was. Like most of
you moms, I make a great rock, but watching planes pierce
buildings, the idea of impending war, the responsibility
of keeping my girls safe in this new America where something
like this could happen--all of these thoughts were grinding
away at me.
With my 2-year-old playing safely in the back of the room
with someone else's Legos, I let go. I allowed these
people's light and life and peace to pull me into their
place. And I prayed for something I could do.
Right there in the town hall, I got my answer.
WHAT CAN WE DO?
We've given blood, donated money, and raised our flags.
We've hugged our kids and made an effort, at least, to
return to normal life. But the restless anxiety, the
enveloping sadness, and the insidious distractions have
returned us to our routines--as comforting as they are--
feeling distant and detached.
This is something most of us have never had to face.
We are sad. We are mad. We are scared.
And moms are in a unique position. Our powerful sense
of empathy and compassion allows us to envision it all.
In our minds, we are in the smoke-filled staircases, on
the airplanes, in the rubble. Even if we had no direct
personal connection to any of the events, the emotions
are raw.
At the same time, we moms strive to embody a supreme
sense of security. We stay informed so we can keep our
kids safe. And we stay calm so we can keep their
psyches safe.
We must comfort our children and give them peace. But
first we must find it.
"Within yourself lies the cause of whatever enters your life."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
The energy around here is far from comforting.
Everywhere you go, a negative energy buzzes like a
fluorescent light bulb, emanating grief, anxiety, fear.
I try to ignore it. I try to take it all in without
letting it out, but it finds its own escape. My 2-year-old
starts to brush my hair, and I feel like I'm going to
jump out of my skin. She has a routine temper tantrum,
and I want to come unglued. I'm exhausted by 10 am.
Nothing in my world has changed, and yet nothing is
the same.
There are a few universal truisms, however. Certain things
that never change. And these are the things that I cling to
This day. One of these truisms, I believe, is the idea that
what we think about and focus on, we get more of.
That means that if we focus on doubt, anger, and fear,
we're more likely to attract those things. Worry brings
doubt and distrust. Fear brings demoralization and
debilitation.
Fear divides. When we feel peace, we sense a connectedness
to all things. When we allow fear to take over, we immediately
clamp down and embrace only that which is ours. Our worldview
constricts. We exhaust ourselves.
Likewise, when we focus on peace, trust, light, and love,
we attract and experience more peace, trust, light, and love.
And we send more into the world for others to attract and
experience, as well.
I have an experiment for you to do, just for today. If it
doesn't work, you can go back to your regular routine tomorrow.
Today, consciously work to infuse the world with positive
energy. You can do that by infusing your world--your
microcosm--with positive energy.
Today, take control of your thoughts, one thought at a
time. When you are faced with a decision, ask yourself
if it will increase the amount of peace and love in the
world.
Here's what that means for me.
BE AN ENERGY GATEKEEPER
Commit to fight your own fear and anger. Commit to
consciously replace fear with trust. Despair with hope.
Darkness with light. Anger with action.
You alone decide what kind of energy enters your life.
You decide what kind of energy, images, and emotions
you allow harbor in your mind. You can control your
thoughts and the direction of your energy.
For me, that means I turn off the news. When I watch the
coverage of this tragedy, I inevitably get sucked in--as
though the next guest, the next commentator, the next
expert, is going to provide an answer that is finally going
to explain the why so that it makes sense. But more words
only introduce more grief and anxiety.
I read an article recently that explained how many
young children don't understand the repeated images
they see on TV. When kids watch the same plane
penetrate the same building, over and over again,
they may think that many, many buildings are falling
to the ground and that many, many planes are on a
course of destruction.
When I watch repeated clips of the events, I don't
think my mind understands it either. Television is so
visceral. If it has that kind of power over you, turn
it off and rely instead on the newspaper or an online
news source. Doing so may help you to dismiss the
rumors and rely on the facts, which may diminish a
tendency to catastrophize, too.
Choose carefully the words you use when you talk to
Yourself about the tragedy and the events that are to
come. Consciously replace the negative thoughts and words
with something more positive.
Sometimes it helps to repeat a simple mantra: "peace,"
"love," "trust," "calm." To recite a comforting quote, a
favorite hymn, or a verse from scripture.
If you have young children, replace the lyrics of their
familiar songs with comforting words. Sing Psalm 56:3
("When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You,"), for
example, to the tune of "The Farmer in the Dell."
Dr. Peggy Jenkins has compiled some wonderful ideas for
using music in such a way in The Joyful Child:
A Sourcebook of Activities and Ideas for Releasing
Children's Natural Joy.
SHARE YOUR ENERGY
The events of September 11th have called attention
to the extraordinary interconnectedness we all share.
Today, use this interconnectedness to heal.
Close your eyes and visualize the brightest light you
can imagine--the force of love--enveloping the disaster
scenes, the tired rescue/recovery workers, the victims
and their family and friends. Visualize it enveloping
the moms and dads, grandmothers, and grandfathers and
All the kids who are frightened today. Visualize it
enveloping the White House, the military bases, the
friends and families of people who go forward to fight
for our cause. Visualize it enveloping the frightened
women in war-ravaged Afghanistan and the victims of
terrorism throughout this world.
Bathe them all in this concentrated light and love and
pray that some of that peace finds its way into their hearts.
PRACTICE SMALL KINDNESSES
Through it all, take good care of your children and
yourself, just as you did before September 11th. Practice
small kindnesses. Offer a simple smile and compassionate
words. John Watson said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet
is fighting a battle." This is certainly true today.
Make it your personal mission to spread the peace and
love in your own heart to everyone you meet today.
Help someone through this difficult time. Contact a
member of the military and their family and lend your
support and prayers. Find an online support community--
one that is intimate and accepting (and if it's not,
help to make it so). Organize a childcare co-op with
other moms so you can be by yourself, if you need to,
to cry, to pray, to journal, to think.
Call your family and friends to see how they are coping
with the events. If they need your shoulder, strive to
listen without judgment and do your best to spread peace
and hope into their hearts. If they begin to catastrophize,
steer the conversation back to one of comfort.
Today, the world remains draped in negativity. Make it
your goal and your role to replace it with as much positive
energy as possible.
If you sink back into the cycle of negative energy,
gently remind yourself to return. And take it one step
at a time. You need not look past this very moment.
Ask yourself: Are you coming from an intention of love
and peace right now? Give peace to someone, love to
someone, right now.
Positive energy is cyclical. And it is what the world needs
right now.
Let it begin with us.
Copyright (c) 2001 Susie Michelle Cortright
Susie Michelle Cortright is the author of More Energy for Moms
and the founder and publisher of Momscape.com - a website devoted
to helping moms enjoy motherhood. http://www.momscape.com |
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